Trying to see myself

in the face of another

Hoping to be anybody but me

Better. Prettier. Smarter.

Tired of being a silent captive

Of my limitations

I’ve finally succumbed

to society’s inhibitions

I’m free. I know I am.

Yet why am I not perfect?

Dazzling smiles. Thin waists.

Hair straight. Posture erect

Can beauty be bought at a price?

Money’s no matter at all.

If I’m promised a body

That’s slim elegant and tall.

Brooding in my head.

Uneasing my thoughts

Hate me. Love her.

What dilemma’s has envy brought?

I fear being next to best

Imperfection is a nightmare

If I’m one in a million

Where’s my bit of glory’s share?

Trying too hard to see myself

In the face of another

But I know it’s impossible

I’m me. Not you, her or any other.

I can’t change.

Not in the complete sense

Maybe one or two things

But would that make it end?

I need this. I need that.

But only until I want it.

Trust the media to show me

The number of ways I’m inadequate

My hair’s curly, skin tanned

Teeth crooked, mind insecure

Yet no surgery

Can make me her

Ashamed of my shortcomings

Hide them within me

Don’t wish to show

What they don’t wish to see

But aren’t rough edges seen

In diamonds too

To reflect light and sparkle

with spectacular hue

Is not everyone unsure?

Unhappy and lonely

Wanting to be her

who’s equally messed up really

Maybe I possess something

something worth having

that’s compensation

for my years of complaining

Don’t know what it is

It awaits my discovery

A hidden secret

Maybe until eternity

Let it take its time

I’m in no hurry

Not wasting my life

In futile worry

Learning to love myself

Accepting my every flaw

Ignoring society

I’m ugly, not an outlaw.

At least I know I’m special

and will no longer bother

about trying to see myself

In the face of another


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